We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
