Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
