They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
