Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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