i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
