I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
