I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
