It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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