can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
