It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Pooping to opera.
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