ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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