why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
