i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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