Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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