I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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