You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
