i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
