Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
