i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
