I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
