He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
