I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
