i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's just like the Real World with babies
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
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