Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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