you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Can I color on your dick again?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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