Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
