So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
