did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
