i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
