who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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