if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
