My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
