Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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