He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
