Plan B is the new Plan A
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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