So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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