brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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