i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
