woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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