Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
