I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
