I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
