walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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