why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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