I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
