Got a toothbrush?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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