Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
