Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
