I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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