Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
