I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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