anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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