you're like a bully in the Christmas story
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
