I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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