I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
