I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
